Can i not drive my cunt home
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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