I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
