I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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