6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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