We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
