I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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