went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize