Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
