the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My pussy is not your playground.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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