Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
