the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize