and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
