Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
