i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
