bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My breasts were aching with rage.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
