He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
