oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
