Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
