My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
