Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
