How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
if you like me you must not know who I am
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
