If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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