Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
