so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize