Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
