I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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