Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
