Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
