the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
