YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
