He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
