I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
