Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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