when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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