OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
