i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
