it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
