so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
