Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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