dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
