If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
