I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
