just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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