Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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