last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Houston, we have a squirter
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
