If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
