good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize