I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
