So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
