I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
