no, he came in my armpit
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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