I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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