what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize