everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
