This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
