I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
