An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
