so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
