Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
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