i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize