he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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