What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
