I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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