I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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