And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize