Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
