Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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