but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
