My Higher Power is John Stamos
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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