Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
