Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
