I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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