If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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