how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize