i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
