I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i think i have herpe
just one?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
