Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
