totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
