..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
