like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
