You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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