please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
