You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
